February 19, 2013

  • Entry 285: Carefree

    I'll try to keep this relatively short. Just wanted to get back in the habit of writing again.

    At the end of last week at an after work happy hour a coworker mentioned. "Y'know J you seemed pretty down the last two weeks or so. Are things okay?" This took me by surprise as I didn't realize that my mood is so easily picked up by other people. Or him specifically since we we're friends or anything. "Yeah I'm no longer seeing anyone if that's what you mean."

    Such was the habit of mine in the past to not blog enough about my happy times, and then come back to Xanga when those times pass. So here I am to collect my thoughts on how I'm feeling:

    The last three months were amazing. This American Life aired a story about a couple who dated each other 13 years then decided to try dating other people for 3 months. http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/486/valentines-day-2013. The guy in the story was super honest and open with people, and found it hard not to get emotionally attached to the girls he was dating. I can TOTALLY relate to that guy. I am THAT guy.

    Another co-worker who's the mother of two kids told me a story of how she got together with her husband. This was at that the same said happy hour; in fact the event was her going away party. Well they knew each other since college, but her husband purposefully never dated her because he had assessed her as marriage material. So it was only many years later when they were both around 30 or so that they began seeing each other. The dates were more like interviews with each other about whether the wanted children, what kind of family, where each preferred to live, etc.

    I agree from her husband's perspective that I (any probably most guys) have a predetermined notion in our heads about which are the girls we want to fool around with and which are the girls we see sharing our lives with. Yukino was a part-of-your-life girl, so she shaped much of my emotional attachment mindset in throughout my 20s. Arietty was a have-some-fun girl, and she gave me a refreshing perspective. And Rose, her red hair and charming scent will leave an impression for some time. A might-have-been that was not to be.

    She said "carefree" was what she was looking for. I had interpreted that to mean "worry-free" and "drama-free". Easily done in that regard, and some outstanding moments at that. It occurs to me that "carefree" to her likely meant something else. She just didn't want me to care for her (about her). I don't mean that in a sad way either. That's just the way it was.