November 3, 2009

  • Entry 260: The Goldfish and the Sea

    These past few months I've quickly become a huge fan of Kina Grannis. Here are a few lines of lyrics from The Goldfish Song.

    "I had the right intentions. Sometimes, my hope envelopes me."
    "And I can't learn the lesson. Not to send a goldfish to the sea."

    Halloween passed. I decided not to attend any events this year, including a costume party I was toying around with ideas for. I totally was going to dress up as Sumeragi Subaru, but found even this seemingly simple costume a little challenging to put together. The hardest part was actually finding a white/off-white trench coat that 1) wasn't a womens design 2) didn't look a doctor's lab coat 3) didn't look a detective's overcoat. Black trench coats are a dime a dozen. White coats are extremely rare... for dudes.

    Anyways I ended up spending most of my weekend on real estate research. Getting more of my plans into motion. I may have mentioned this before, but the 20-something me had lot of idealistic dreams and aspirations. Quickly as I become the 30-something me there's a wave of responsibility I see. Those hopes I had for myself that were unfulfilled… still linger... waiting... I haven’t forgotten them. I just came to realize that there are very big needs that have to be addressed.

    Part of getting older I guess. Your duties play a bigger part of your life than your dreams. To me… sending a goldfish to the sea represents my idealistic spirit. The idea may be young and naïve… even flawed with logic… people tell you that things in the world don’t work that way… that you will get hurt. The goldfish will die in the open water.

    But damn it, it just feels right. He can’t be trapped in a bowl forever. He longs for freedom. I'm not doing it just for him. It's for me. The goldfish is me. I want to give him that sense of freedom that is slipping away from me oh so quickly…

    My mom needs me. I have decided to trade in my youth to take care of her. Now more than ever I feel like an adult.